Out of fucks.

Writing has always been my passion. I used to write about my emotions, current events, the sky, the trees, anything and everything used to evoke an emotion out of me. However, lately I've been uninspired, and by lately I mean the last few years. Something has been taken from me and I've just run out of fucks to give. I don't want to sensor my writing, I want it to be raw. I want to be at the heels of my thoughts and feelings, chasing them as I articulate them into words that somehow captures that moment - that emotion - I'm feeling that very second. I know that's where my weakness is. I've lost...something. Or rather, I'm searching for something more? It literally just occurred to me that maybe I'm yearning for growth. I'm looking for some sort of experience that can open my mind and let me feel again. The fucks I gave before we're because I had to, but now, no one can tell me what. And maybe that's just it. Now that I'm in my grown self, or getting there at least, I just don't care about anything anymore. 

I've never really put the two together, my lack of inspiration and fucks. It's not that I have no concern for anything, I have a life, I have a job, I go to school, I have (and let go) of relationships. There are plenty of things that I invest my time in that I truly care about. I can't quite put my finger on what exactly it is I just have no opinions on whatsoever. Externally, everything outside of my little bubble of a life, I know there isn't much I care about. Government - I wish I cared more and I wish I was more educated, but I just don't think my little vote is ever going to make a difference, it didn't last election, just sayin. I'm not mad though. The way I look at it, if I'm going to continue living, I'm going to have to do whatever it takes, how ever the economy changes is only going to dictate how hard I have to work, either way, I'm surviving. In regards to trends or what's "cool" (do kids still say that these days?) I ran out of fucks to give about that a long time ago. 

I guess these days I try to lead an easier life? Although it seemed easier when I was forced to care about more things. Maybe that's the lesson here: when you get older, you care about less, or maybe the same amount but your priorities are certainly different, and just when your last adolescent fuck is given  away, the burden of fucks you're forced to give is lost, but the task of finding what deserves fucks in your supposedly "older more mature life" weighs heavier on your shoulders because now, you only have so many to give.