Morning from Hell

Well karma, you've done it again. I suppose I should be 'congratulating' myself for starting this cycle, but as a lot of us have experienced, karma is unforgiving and there is nothing to celebrate when you're on the shitty end of it. I don't have anyone else to blame, and I know there's no way for me to reverse this. But my frustration lies in the fact that I try so damn hard to be a good person and make a living after I've left my parent's house, but I constantly feel this negativity that haunts me.

I originally started this paragraph with "This has been the week from Hell", but in the midst of trying to justify it, I remembered that I have a beautiful new home, the cute little car I wanted, a job where I've developed a second family and earn enough of a living to pay my bills, and an education that no one can ever take away from me. I guess this post is about to go off on quite the tangent, but definitely for the better. I woke up with bad new this morning. But you know what? I woke up, and that's more than what a lot of people could have said about this morning. It's easy to feel sorry for yourself because you don't have the things you want or think you deserve ( side note - future blog topic: people who feel a sense of entitlement ) but to be thankful for the things you do have, whether it's a lot or a little, that's a little bit harder. Although the sense of negativity haunts me, I'm still doing my thing. I've made it this far and I don't see myself stopping until I have what I want. I guess I'm a snobby bitch like that. But in the words of Tina Fey, "Bitches get things done." 

I know I have my parents to thank for my work ethic and I guess for my desire to have nice things, but I know, I can feel, that there is something inside of me that I didn't inherit from them. Something that sees the opportunity to give up and has faith to keep going. I always wonder if it's God placing those opportunities in front of me to live an easier life. But the fact that I never take it makes me think that that's not what He wanted me to do. Maybe that's what it is - Faith. 

For some reason, I carry this over whelming feeling of confidence. Even if at some points I'm unsure about things, I find comfort in knowing that God would never put me in a position that would ruin me. He would never give me something I didn't deserve, and he would never test me if he knew I would fail. I don't have any biblical evidence for this, I wish I did. But I think feeling it is enough. Especially feeling it as strongly as I do. I never doubt this of God, and I guess that's what having Faith is. 

I guess everything is going to be alright.