Not even a week goes by and already some shit is going on again. I know all of this is temporary, but I can feel myself growing weak, angry, and impatient. I work too damn hard to be a good person. I know I don't deserve all of this. None of this even has to do with me. But I don't know how to get out. I guess part of me doesn't want to. I'm constantly thinking about what is the right thing to do. So I take matters into my own hands and stop giving a fuck. Sometimes I think the solution is to give less fucks and just deal with it. Other times, I think that's the problem.

Being paranoid and irritable is becoming too familiar. I can't even do what I want in my own house without looking over my shoulder. The people doing this must have never been in this position. Where you need to tip toe around life, where you try and try so damn hard, just to make a living. What do I get to enjoy anymore?

I feel selfish for complaining. I'm truly a woman, full of contradictions. But I'm afraid to give up. I'm invested and determined. I minimize everything, even the important stuff. I've trained my mind to be stronger than my nerves, because I am anxious as fuck. My mind is accustomed to numbing my emotions, alleviating the strain on my heart.

Thank God for watching over us. There is only so much we can take care of ourselves, very little actually. That may not be a belief many people share, but the only thing that continues to warm my heart is Faith that He has a bigger plan for my life.