Today I found out that my best friend throughout high school passed away. Today was her funeral. I was literally at a loss for words. Although immediately I was full of regret. To begin with, I don't deal with death well. It doesn't necessarily scare me, but it's just not something I can wrap my head around so I don't lend very much thought to it. I avoid talking about it by any means. The way I felt when I realized what I was reading (I found out on Instagram. I hate social media.) wasn't something I've ever experienced before. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever experienced death of anyone really close to me.

I regret not reaching out to her when I heard she wasn't doing well. I remember being afraid. I don't know why now. I don't regret not staying friends. We really just drifted apart. But I wish I could have let her know that I was concerned. You never think that something like this will happen to someone you know. At least I didn't. Maybe it's more of a reality to some people. She was such a good person. She was going to do something great in this world. I truly feel sorry for the people who didn't get to meet her.

Like I said, I don't deal with things like this well. I'm not going to write up a little eulogy praising her. I'm barely able to keep myself focused and composed long enough to write this much about it. Literally, I am sitting here squirming. I am so physically, emotionally, and mentally uncomfortable with all of this. I don't know if I want to talk about it or just keep to myself. This is all so new to me, and I hate not knowing.